still sad 10 years after divorce

It hurts and brings confusion to the children. This surely helped me, & Im grateful for the article and comments; 12 years after my husband left me, a week before Christmas, & moved on with another woman, as if wed never had a life of 25 years. Shared custody, full custody, whatever custody a parent is granted; theres a brokeness that will never be repaired. Anger: Everything about your ex makes you angry. And Jennifer L hit the nail on the head. We didnt have children but were together almost 20 years, and Ive been separated almost 8 years. I identified with your feelings of sadness many years after divorce. I did not handle the divorce well. Columnist and trained counsellor Fiona Caine offers her advice on feeling lonely after a divorce, and moving on after the death of a partner. I barely get 3 hours a night sleep and am super lucky if I get 4 hours, while he goes on cruises several times a year and vacations several times a year with his new wife. A fractured. I have not dated anybody because Im still in the process of healing and I know it would not be wise doing so until I am ready to turn the page over completely. You Will Grieve After Divorce, And It's Painful As Hell - Scary Mommy Dreams are broken but lives have to go on. My reservations with acting on adopting is that I would be exposing a child to a broken home. 2.5 years later & I'm still sad : r/Divorce - reddit.com Im still feeling the wound 36 years after the divorce. My pain stems from a few things, pain left over from childhood (which I believe we all have to some degree) and pain from him leaving me without any real (as I saw it) truth for me to keep. Symptoms of divorce-related depression can include any, or a combination of, the following: Sudden loss of interest in things you once enjoyed Loss of appetite Increase in appetite Weight loss or gain Difficulty sleeping Excessive irritability Rage Sudden insomnia Increased fatigue Difficulty focusing or concentrating Difficulty making decisions Most days I only want to lay around and play videogames. after 5 years the pain I think is worse . I truly hope in 2018, I can have a clear mind and an open heart. I lost a 4 generations family farm, but more than that, I lost an entire life of working toward a financially secure retirement, raising 2 children together, and being so close to her family. During and after your divorce, you may experience anger directed in a variety of ways depending on the situation that ultimately led to the . When people live together as a husband and wife, they love each other and treasure each moment that they spend. It's a process that's extremely tough from start to finish, and you can still feel emotional weeks, months, and even years after you and your former partner have split. Im normal, Its normal to feel happy and sad, gain and loss after so many years. We seek out love relationships so that we can feel love. Theres no going back, only accepting what lies behind & making the best of what is left. Good behavior towards your ex will help you overcome the heartbroken experience that you have had all along for a long time. I feel like my life was a road that led to a sudden precipice that I could not see that I fell into it or perhaps I was pushed into it, by the man I loved more than any other and I am still falling. The next time a friend tells you she is getting a divorce Know that even if says she is okay, underneath her smile, your friend is drowning in loss, your friend needs your help. I was married for nearly 40 years and I have known him for 50 years. I found out my wife of 23 years (27 years together) was having an affair the last Sunday in January 2021. Your divorce may affect how much you receive from Social Security - CNBC Still, it hurts and is sad sometimes, even 12 years on, but now I know thats okay and Im not alone! } Toughing it out. She is very busy socially and at work. Three kids and 15 years later we divorced. I divorced the following year. Our daughter is getting married this year, to a lovely chap but my cynicism remembers the lovely young chap I put my faith and future in! 22. How to Know if You're Stuck in Your Grief Post-Divorce You dont need to be friends with her but, you need to develop new friends and start enjoying your life. Curing Your Divorce Hangover | Divorce Magazine You need to remember that you still have a future. The dread and emptiness you feel after a breakup, is subtly acknowledged as in it's the subject of every great work of art known to man but publicly, it's not an acceptable reason to like, skip work or not be a functional human being. The hurt will never quite go away. Which means that by cutting her out, I cut them out, which leaves me alone. Divorce is like living with a painful wound with which you learn to live for a very long time. Seeking revenge. The deep pain of losing a relationship is based on the belief that your peace and your joy lies within the other person, and without them, you have no access to these feelings. 10 years is more than enough my dear. No longer. I worked on becoming a better person for 20 years. Think Im going to leave her too. Give yourself that time to focus on what will make YOU happy. Along with the occasional look of, "Mhmm, sure.". I have been doing a lot of soul searching trying to figure out the consistent sadness I feel after 7 years. It matters. Update - 2 years post D-day, just filed for divorce. Bit sad - Reddit When you ask your 21 year old how her mom is doing ,she says not good and starts sobbing. Ive been struggling with anxiety. Feeling lost after a divorce is natural and common. I was excited about the changes I could see or at least was trying to reach. I have learned to livewith thepain but have not found many people that understand. My divorce might be legally over soon. My career has suffered. But at times, it happens that there are disagreements that come along the way which is hard to cope up with the partner any more. The more time that passes, the more reminders and suggestions you will need to deal with the aftermath of . Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. By this time you will have known the extent that you contributed towards ending your previous marriage and see the solution to avoid any more hurts in a second marriage. I believe that all children need mothers and fathers in their lives. All in all, I am at a standstill. Just an occasional issue with finances. It was so good to read something I have been feeling for over 15 years. There are tactics you can use the get passed the pain, I promise. If she's been married 10 years, I've been separated/divorced for 10 years. All the you statements are certainly not appropriate. Grieving Your Old Life During the first six months of separation, women are more prone to symptoms of depression, poor health, loneliness, work inefficiency, insomnia, memory difficulties, and increased substance abuse. He sees them now as we live 5 minutes away. At every appointment, they can hold both parties to a standard of respect and non-judgment. It doesnt undo the bittersweet clarity that when I look into my sons faces, I see my dad (long deceased) and my exs mother (whom I once loved), both of whom are no longer in my life. I had spent so many years waiting for the affair again shoe to drop but realized, it was not a concern anymore, the cheater was out of my life. I guess Im the oldest divorcee here meaning my divorce was in 2003. I wa interested in this website. "@type": "FAQPage", Still, I can only imagine that he, too, senses the sorrow that is part of who I am. You may consider it phantom pain, but its pain nonetheless. She took the house, my business, my kids my heart and happiness. ", I know that I am getting better, I dont think about him near as much but then one thing can make me spiral right back to years before and the process starts again. Divorce Hangover: Pain That Won't Stop I want to heal, move in, live with joy and pursue my dreams! We must live with the choices we made and carry on, I dont feel bitter just very sad x, Yes, that is exactly what we & countless others must do. I certainly dont want someone back in my life who is capable of causing such sorrow in others and not giving a damn, but it feels like part of the family is missing. Thank you for sharing. I gave someone my entire heart, promises, vows, ups, downs, physical intimate moments, and emotional intimate moments I never thought I could give and share with someone. Dont let years and years pass by and cling to the pain, hurt, and resentment. Not only would they not understand, but they would wonder if it all was just for revenge. it has been 5 years she is with no one and I am not eather . And apparently, my sadness lingers at moments. Ive heard the lectures about moving on after divorce many times. Commit yourself to enjoy life and move on without fear. from their father when they need us both. Its not easy to find realistic articles on the very-long-term type of pain resulting from a divorce, so this one was a breath of fresh air. The story is almost the same, two wonderful boys and was married for 17 years. I once experienced a lady who was struggling with the pain of overcoming separation alone and when I purposed to hold her hand, she started relaxing, and within a short time, life to her became a joyous one. It truly helps to know Im not alone in this. I love my daughter dearly and wouldnt want it any other way. Mental health experts agree that divorce is comparable to the loss of a loved one, which makes sense given that you're suffering the loss of a marriage and all that goes with it. Absolutely. I still love the woman I thought I married and I am angry at the emotional manipulation and pain she metered out to me which ended with the beginning of her second marriage. Don't Fight Your Feelings All of our emotions are given to us for a reason. Transformational Coaching and Psychotherapy, Benjamin Schwarcz, MFT, ACAP-EFT, Santa Rosa Psychotherapist and Coach, Psychedelic Somatic Interactional Psychotherapy, EFT Clinical Consultation for Health Professionals, Tapping Into Joy: Meridian Tapping and Mindfulness for Depression. Im lucky my daughter still talks to me. I have no support. I worked hard, did everything for him, but it wasnt enough.They married 18 months after our divorce ( 9 months ago, and went on honeymoon to one of our favourite places) They have a fantastic lifestyle, whereas I have had to go back to work. Especially finding out about the other persons affair 2 years later and how it was happening for much longer. But you have to stop punishing yourself and adding to the belief that you lost your one and only chance for true love. Helen, you need the help of a good therapist or divorce coach. I see my family, our friends, most couples I know retiring together, doing life together, enjoying grandchildren together, but everything we do, well its not the same. We grew up together, worked in various cities, had good friends, loved each other's familys and then I just left him. But I still think what I did, in leaving him was the worst thing I've ever done or will ever do and it absolutely breaks my heart. Also missing were 3 life policies with cash surrender values and 2 annuities. However, it may not take quite long if you wanted the divorce, were unhappy with your marriage, or the divorce decision was mutual. a loss of interest in activities you previously enjoyed and hobbies. You may have stayed in an unsatisfactory relationship for a long time because you were afraid of dealing with the changes that splitting up forces upon you. You choose to leave now leave me alone. Emotional Symptoms of Divorce. You might feel disconnected or sad, even if you wanted the relationship to end. I wish for better days. Top 10 Mistakes Women Make After a Divorce Feeling like a failure. But thats good, hes learning from his father, its ok to feel certain emotions, no matter how much time has passed. Its been more than a dozen years, but the fact of my divorce, the speed with which the marriage unraveled, the ease with which my spouse moved on, the tumultuous aftermath that dragged on for a decade, the onslaught of related losses All of it still hurts. Are men and women so different? Are you talking to anyone on a regular basis about how you are feeling? "@type": "Question", Its now 10 years since my husband walked out after 29 years of marriage, and having had an affair with his now partner for eight months before he did so. I have a great relationship now and am engaged. Divorce happened the year after I had retired. I'm mad, yelling, and feel like I can't breathe. "I think we are done", he says. God bless you! I hope they see that what is good in life can outweigh the hurt of our deepest disappointments. Perhaps it is an aftereffect of the years I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. with some cranberry vodka and talking outloud praying) for my ex to come back to me not to BE with me but to apologize and clarify why he truly left. Divorce is a complex process that can lead to confusing and painful feelings. Time does not heal all wounds. Not feeling your feelings. It is more than enough! Oh, so difficult! He sat in our porch the week before he left, sobbing. The pain visits quite infrequently now (thank god) but once in a while it still hits me, hard. Not Interested In Dating After Divorce? You're Not Alone! Do those things! The thought of having to spend the little money I have to defend myself against a frivolous lawsuit is killing me. The more you feed your mind with positive thoughts, the more you can overcome. I have really enjoyed reading everyones story and I realise now that I am very normal 10 years on. I used to pray (if you can consider chain smoking outside your apt. Many subsequent marriage proposals when younger but no remarriage. When we married I thought the deal was made for life. She left because she no longer wanted marriage and to go down the path we were heading e.g. It becomes manageable, but thats about it. A ten-year marriage is also considered to be a long-term marriage by the Social Security Administration. My marriage lasted 21 years, I was with her for 23 years. Again if comforting to know that Im not alone in what I am still feeling . Well what I get out of it is I love her and hope and pray to the Lord that I get another opportunity with her since neither one of us are seeing or dating anyone after five years, And the reason why I dont trust other women is the result I got out of dating women the first two years trying to replace her which I could not I thought about her the entire time .The reason why I trust her is I created this mess and caused her to leave I was not the man I shouldve been . Effects of Divorce Last Indefinitely - Los Angeles Times We dont need another answer, do we? I have tried to date, but it never works out. Thank God I found this. While I respect and have empathy for the commentors (and wriiter) who have found another partner and know that this does not eradicate their pain I cannot help but wonder why not me? I wish I could tell people it gets better but it does not when you miss the love of your life. Grand children . That alone really destroys me when I think about it but I have to be strong for my little granddaughter who I have not met yet but one day I hope to. Try to find joy in the fact that you have those feelings for her instead of focusing on the pain of losing her. Would you prefer to share this page with others by linking to it? My children are grown and many milestones are coming up. I have stayed very close to his family (I only have my mother as immediate family) and so now and again I have to have contact with him. Some responsibilities need both parental support, and if you have kids, then this is a reason to stop the hurts, take up the responsibilities and support your kids as much as possible to avoid them to hurt from your struggles. Ask Fiona: Two years after my divorce I still feel so lonely and This will only relieve the pain for one day and stall the healing process. But you have to stop punishing yourself and adding to the belief that you lost your one and only chance for true love. Studies show that men feel empty, guilty, anxious, depressed, deep loss, and strong dependency needs of which they . Hang in there, perhaps get a pet.mine have given me pleasure & a reason to keep going. "The narcissist devours people, consumes their output, and casts the empty, writhing shells aside." - Sam Vaknin. As the publication noted, it's possible that this split could get messy as both parties reportedly raced to file . Ray J Calls Off Divorce From Princess Love, Again I am in a much better place than I was 10 year ago but lately I have been profoundly sad but I now understand that the grief never really leaves us, it sits on our shoulder as a reminder of what could have been. But I really related to the authors comments about how many family traditions especially holiday celebrations have been irrevocably impacted. Done. If you were married for ten years of longer, you will be eligible to collect derivative Social Security benefits based on your ex-spouse's earnings record when you reach retirement age (if you aren't married to someone else at the time . Are you a parent who's separated divorced Or NEVER-MARRIED ? Yes, I am male. As for looking to a new love, I have no desire. At these events, we were supposed to be celebrating together as a couple, as a family, as one.

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